curveballs

what do you do when your 6 year old decides purple isn't her favorite color anymore 2 days before you start painting her walls a smokey lavender?

instead choosing green as her favorite color?

 

 

 

well if you're me you fashion a mood board real quick like the wing-ed owls of ga'hoole..

the right green is key.

i am scared i will fuck this part up royally.

it needs to be grassy with a side of mint, but not too pale.

i want it to pack some punch.  but a muddy, subtle punch.

 

 

those pagoda-ish side tables are getting gotten on sunday for the earth-shattering low price of $45.

the headboard for $75.

painting will commence thursday....

 

 as for your design turd recap-

well that is NOT coming on the wing-ed owls of ga'hoole.

more like the slow trot of a lame cathy horse.

school starts tomorrow and i have a lot of last minute stuff to do.

most of it will involve hugging my soon to be 1st grader.

 

look for your recap on wednesday.

 

word to your turd bird nerd curd,

the brains behind the operation

i think before i post more of my work i must explain shit to a few assfaces out there..

some of you think i just put the most expensive shit in my mood boards and call myself decorator.

while in a sense part of that is true, mostly what i put in the original mood board is a similar looking stand-in for existing furniture, paint, rugs etc.. that the client already has.

or 

i am extremely awesome and know how to combine high and low to such effect that none of you can tell which is which..

OR!!

a piece is there to represent what "we" are looking for..

once a client "signs off" on a look then i search for the most affordable options of those pieces.

sometimes for mood board sake i use 1stdibs bc it is easy to manipulate the image since it's on a white background.

in other words it's easier to float an image that's on a white background onto a spreadsheet type document than it is to float an image from craigslist..(i don't use photoshop and have a limited understanding of what i DO use)

and you must remember that 99.9% of my clients are E clients so i have to find this shit for them online!

usually my clients take my ideas and either buy directly what i tell them to or find the more affordable options themselves. 

think of it like this..

you see an outfit in vogue that you love but it's a zillion dollars..

so you take the magazine to the mall and find similar items and sometimes even exact replicas for way less and you essentially have the high end look for less. 

 

that said sometimes my clients want the real deal and hold out for it.

i think you should do a little bit of both.

find more affordable versions for the trendier pieces and hold out for the real deal on the more classic pieces.

or search craigslist, ebay, local thrift stores etc.. for the classics and/or antiques.

for my local clients i scout stuff for them when i am out and about..

but for clients that i can't be near i always encourage them to do that for themselves.

 

 

example:

local client.

we want antique commodes like the ones above.

the ones in this board are like 10g's so duh we won't be using them but they were facing straight, on a white background and that is the criteria i need for mood board magic. 

now, i will scout and the client will scout to find something similar around town.

 

the rug:

as everyone knows moroccan maryam has great, affordable ourain rugs.

and i have seen one in person!

although if you have an extra 6,000 for a rug i'd say go vintage!

they are unbelievably unique and interesting.

 

the sisal in the image is the clients own carpet.

 

 

as for the rest-

well trust me when i say it's all affordable and if you would like the sources please email me personally.

 

now the other side of this same room:

the sofa is a stand-in for the client's existing sofa. 

it is very similar to this one.

the table on the left is a stand-in for the client's existing side table,

again it's almost an exact replica.

everything is available online, in both high end

and affordable versions.

in fact i dare say almost everything that you could ever want for your home is available in both high end and more affordable versions.

 

so that's basically how i do what i do.

surely some asshole will read 3 words of this post and still claim i am putting ridiculously expensive shit in my mood boards and calling myself a decorator.

 

but for everyone else who DID read this post,

i hope i was able to shed a little light on my MB's and how they come to be.

 

keep calm and fart on,

working it out

my client wanted her kitchen eating area re-decorated.

new table, new chairs, new console, new rug..

nothing major, just zshushing.

however, the walls were to remain greige, and the goal was to work with the existing chandelier.

a rusty, iron chandelier with wooden beads.

the come to jesus meeting was for cozy, modern and glam.

 

most of you would agree that a rusty iron chandelier and greige walls don't equal cozy, modern, or glam.

 

so here's what i figured..

classic chandelier?

modern AND classic table.

then blur it all up with modern lines on classic chairs.

keep everything monochromatic for modern and cozy purposes..

add a sexy, gold metallic cowhide and you have a little cozy, a little modern and a little glam.

 

over to the console side of the situation..

i was really pushing for this:

in fact i was a little high on it..

super GLAM!

 

but the client talked me down a little..

saying that she felt it was a little too fancypants for her cozy kitchen nook..

could we see the console with different lamps?

 

i assured her that it was better to go full throttle and then pull back than the other way around..

(pulled that one out of my ass i did- but it's essentially true)

 

so i showed her this:

she loves it!

but..

she wants to see maybe a parsons style conosle in place of the mirrored chevron buffet.

oh but i cried a little.

i want her to have this magic piece of furniture.

i said, but a parsons console will offer no storage!

she said she truly didn't need storage, just a place to drop her keys and shit.

 

so..

in comes the black, lacquered grasscloth console:

and ultimately her favorite.

 

everyone wins!

 

here's a look at all the elements together:

 

and that's how you work shit out.

 

 

peace out billy bob!

 

stupid ankles post disguised with pretty pictures

 my ankles feel like what that guy's in misery felt like when kathy bates hobbled the fuck out of them.

 

(wall tassels are an interesting option)

 

all that tracy anderson bouncing is actually making my bones start to break.

oh..what's that you say?

your shoes suck?

 

 

yes.  they do.

but the problem is i have no idea what kind of shoes to get.

many people say that zumba workout shoes are the way to go.

btw- if you don't know what zumba is (i didn't either)-

it is some kind of stupid dance workout that you need coordination to achieve, and rythm.

2 things i lack a tremendous amount of.

 


(mini purple lampshades)

 

plus it looks like you are auditioning for an MTV dance show circa 'the grind'.

in other words you look like an asshole.

also it is more about dance moves and less about jumping and impact.

tracy is all about the jumping and the impact.

hence broken ankles.

(and you also look like an asshole. a stupid, jumping asshole)

 

 

ok.

so shoes.

i confess to maybe working out for 2 days in crocs to see if they were more cushiony than my nikes.

 

 

they were.

 

 

but they offered no support so my ankles hate life right now.

 

 

so what shoes do i get?

ryka? 

they are made for dance.

do i just get goop's shoes?

my fear is they are 300 dollars.

do i get some kind of hip hop dancey shoe with a padded high top ankle blanket?

do you give a fuck?

you have to give a fuck though.

bc my cardio will suffer which means that i cannot get super skinny and wine and reeses will win!

and you will have no superhero to look up to.

and then YOUR ass will get bigger!!

 

(lovely mix)

 

now get me some shoe facts!

 

 

magical moodboardz

 

 doin a little work palm springs style.

 

here's an idea...

a magazine (heads up newell) needs to hire me to do a column where i fashion one moodboard in big money and then replicate it in real money.

and they pay me with money.

and then i spend that money on real cute lamps and shit.

and then a lion comes out and sings 'the circle of life'. 

 

you would be way into that column wouldn't you?