9 swim suits

net-a-porter is having an up to 70% off sale. i always need a new swimming costume as my body seems to grow every year. despite my best efforts. thanks menopause. there are loads of fantastic one piece-ers to choose from. bikinis too if that’s your vibe. my boobs look terrible in bikinis because of their enormity. i have yet to find one that lifts and separates the girls in a pleasing way. i prefer to smash them down with a one piece. here are my picks- but do look around as there are some really great deals. sizes go quick so get on it. also i read recently (cannot remember where) that some 20 something influencer had over 100 bathing suits. so take that as permission to add to your collection.

les girls les boys red straight edge suit - this color is wow. also i really love this straight neckline. it’s most flattering.

petra tiger print bandeaux suit - i’ve had my eye on this for a while. it’s 40% off. i’m just not sure the weight of my boobs could handle it. it’s just so great tho.

lavender ruched suit - i think this is fantastic. the color, obv. my fave. but the ruching is a tummy’s bff. also the butt cut is my favorite. i like a lot of cheek out there. comes in red and black too. it’s 50% off!

metallic wonderwoman suit - go ahead girl go ahead get down. i’ll bet this sucks you in just right. so shiny. so yes.

solid and striped red checked suit - LOOOOOVE. this is the edgier gingham, yes? perfect butt cut. just enough cheek. it’s also 50% off.

solid and striped belted suit - this looks soft and comfy. probably not a lot of suckage but real cute. cute with jeans too. in fact quite a few of these could do double time as a bodysuit with jeans moment.

loveshackfancy floral suit - SO pretty. the print, the shoulder ribbons. would look extra pretty on a dark skinned someone. or just a nice tan. i’d look like the underside of a dead fish.

delfina striped sequin suit - if you’re going somewhere fancy….ibiza maybe? club lohan? but i fully support you if you wear it to the country club. take a pic for me.

dvf green leopard suit - such a pretty green. leopard without being too leopard, know what i mean? you’re not lisa rinna.