back to blogging about pretty things..

Gabriela Eisenhart June 14, 2012

my audition went well.

i was in and out and was given "that was a lovely read" in reward for no less than 6 poops pre-audition.

these things are often so strange.

i have been in many auditions and they are all totally different.

this one was quiet and subdued.

no direction.

just read it and you're done.

i'm not complaining.

it is what it is.

it was a good read.

it could have been better.

it ALWAYS could be better.

it's frightfully hard to play a part not knowing the outcome of your character in under a minute.

and you don't know what they want and you try hard to ignore that little voice in your head that just wants to WIN! and instead just experience it and BE the person you believe she should be and not give a shit about what anyone else wants...i spend a good deal of time breaking down the character and i think i am good at it.

but at the end of the day it SO DOES NOT MATTER!

at least not in the audition.

and then there are the nerves..

i can get up in front of hundreds of people and show my ass and not think twice about it but something about the audition process kills my soul...

for those of you who don't know what it's like to audition i would equate it to something like a K hole..

the state of mind caused by taking large amounts of ketamine. the user becomes trapped in state of detatchment from their physical presence; the user can think about moving their arm, and will then see an arm moving in front of them, but the link between the thought and the moving arm does not register.

sort of like that.

it's not my favorite part of acting but it's part of it none the less.

should anything come of it you will surely be the first to know.

moving on..

let's look at some sick houses featured in the latest vogue living australia...

fun times

Gabriela Eisenhart June 13, 2012

about once a year i get a call for an audition (i get auditions more than once a year, duh, but not of this caliber)

where the stakes are like, RIDICULOUSLY HIGH.

and i've been doing this for a long time so...

a. i am grateful that i get auditions of this caliber bc even people in LA with good agents don't get auditions of this caliber.

and

b. the parts are always big enough that 300% of the time there are bigger name actresses who would KILL to play the role and someone with my resume would most likely lose out to the elizabeth banks's and the entire female cast of game of thrones.

i know what some of you are thinking.

"for the love of oprah! don't think that way jenny...blah blah blah.."

but anyone out there who is in this business (speak up those of you) will tell you that it goes beyond just being talented enough. there are so many politics involved that often times even the director has very little say in the casting.

we hard working nobodies are losing roles all the time to bigger names.

even A list movie stars are taking smaller roles these days..

it's just a fact and i am ok with it.

no...i am not ok with it but i have learned to accept it as part of the job.

so i go in and i give the best audition i can and then i say to myself that i would be the luckiest mother fucker in the world if i got the part and then i move on and forget about it and go back to blogging about design and eating entire bags of potato chips .

and you all will do the same.

all that to say that i am still SO EXCITED AND NERVOUS!!!

ok so i got an email from my agents on monday for a film audition..

i noticed that it's being directed by atom egoyan (awesome he is amazing. educate yourself).

and then i noticed he will be in the room.

not scary at all. (so scary)

think being on an airplane and running off bc you are afraid and multiply that by a million.

it's exhilarating though and i actually love this kind of fear.

go figure.

so i am reading the sides (my part in the script) and it's really good.

the part is that of a waitress, pretty and sweet.

who obvioulsy has a thing for the lead guy.

he is older than she, but not by much...

anyway..

the story itself is about the west memphis 3.

a group of teens charged with murdering some boys.

so this lead guy is defending the alleged murderers and i think (hard to know without reading the whole script) he feels turmoil about it and this waitress who has come to know him bc he comes into the restaurant every day has been following the story and she sort of feels for him and falls in love with him.

he is oblivious to her feelings bc she is shy about it but in this scene she makes a move.

it's subtle and endearing and she would pretty much do anything for him.

he finally takes notice and they share a very intimate moment.

there are fingers in hair ya'll.

mine in his.

meow mix.

it's SUCH a great scene.

ok so at this point i'm like...who has signed on to this project?

specifically the actor in this scene..

i go to imdb to check..

and it's fucking colin firth.

colin.

firth.

yeah.

wrap your head around that for a second.

dead.

diarrhea.

vomcano.

mr. darcy.

vomrrhea.

so yeah..

stakes. rasied.

i am off to study my lines and put on my adult diaper.

i'll report back tomorrow.

let's hope i don't do this.

ladycave

Gabriela Eisenhart January 10, 2012

working on the recap + a downton abbey rap video (yes i am) is busy..buis..ness?

anyway..it's time consuming and hard.

so in the meantime here is a ladycave for us all to pretend we watch this show together in..

no boys allowed.

unless your newell. dressed as lord grantham.

he'd be way into it.

also, i am going to meet with my agents today to discuss why i'm not famous yet.

and this:

auditions are fun.

Gabriela Eisenhart April 28, 2011

brring brrring(phone sounds)

mike: hello?

jenny: (visibly and audibly distressed but still driving a vehicle) umm...oh god.

i'm really nervous what if i diarrhea on my legs?

mike: you're the dominator. you'll be awesome.

jenny: no i am really nervous bc i don't know what the fuck i am doing i have tried to memorize

these lines for the last 3 hours and for whatever reason nothing is sticking in my brain and this part i am reading isn't really the part i am auditioning for did you know that cuz the part i am auditioning for doesn't have a long scene to read so i am having to read robin wright's part and she's really different from the character i would be playing did you get that cuz i am so confused as an actor i guess i should just play it like the part i am reading bc it would seem weird to play it as the other character cuz billy bob wrote these lines for THAT character and i would be an asshole and a bad actress if i read them any other way.

maybe i just shouldn't go.

mike: (uncomfortable laughter) no!!! you're going.

jenny: i know i am halfway there.

mike: you'll be fine. you will be awesome. go get 'em!!

jenny: yeah. whatever. see you later. fuck then. bye then.

(jenny arrives at location and walks in to check everyone else out. sees other woman actor friend who is reading for the same part. woman actor friend is cagey, acts different, scared and crazy...like a zombie who has no idea where they are and needs brains in their mouth.)

jenny: hey!! have you been in yet? is he in there?

zombie woman friend: um. yes. yes.

jenny: did they give you any direction?

zombie: just. read. the. part. like. you. should. read. the. part. if. you. were. interpreting. braaaain.s..shkeipleep. snorp.

jenny: (grumbles obscenity and walks away)

jenny: (to sign-in person)

am i next?

sign-in person: (looking at sheet)

jenny: (realizing person is not looking fast enough looks over her shoulder contemplates snatching it out of her fucking hands)

jenny: i'll be outside can you come get me when it's time?

jenny frantically goes over her lines, contemplates suicide and then feels like she just needs to connect to the character and once she does she will be fine.

15 minutes later person comes to get jenny.

slight connection to character achieved.

though thinks she can make it funny and kooky enough that BB won't notice trembling hands or knees and will assume it's part of the craft.

BB=kooky times a billion.

jenny walks up the stairs, to wait in the hall for another 10 minutes.

she feels camaraderie with the other actors at the top of the stairs as they all discuss their nerves.

talking and joking ensues.

(a look inside jenny's brain reveals all aforementioned character achievement and line memorization are being played by actual people wearing t shirts that say "character achievement" and "line memorization" and they are packing up their shit and leaving)

then, suddenly it's jenny's turn...

jenny: (thinking)

wait!!

what the fuck just happened??!!

shitwhatwasthecharacteragain?

whatisthefirstlineagain?

holyshitnut

fuckscab

(walkingwalking)

(entering)

blonde woman with giant boobs (and diarrhea on her legs) enters audition room wearing this dress:

channelling this:

(no really i was...i did my hair just like this)

the movie takes place in 1969.

duh.

anyway..

jenny enters room looking like sharon tate's fat, older sister.

this is where shit gets real stupid.

jenny hobbles over aimlessly, like a zombie looking for it's grave, to BB and the assistant director and some camera woman and the casting agent to hand someone her headshots.

too nervous to ask if they need both she just lays them down on the pile and makes zero eye contact with zero people.

then slides back to her mark.

and stands there.

like a totem pole.

a few hi's are exchanged but jenny can't remember any of it bc she is dead.

not real dead just present dead.

images are flashing before her eyes...