years ago i wrote a blog post defending paula deen’s use of racial slurs. i defended her by saying she came from a place where those slurs were acceptable and she didn’t know any better. i truly didn’t believe in my heart that she was a racist or meant them negatively. i loved paula deen. i loved her show. i loved watching her cook. i defended her racism. blindly and with conviction.
that was 7 years ago. i removed the post not long after i posted it. mostly because i thought people misunderstood my point. can you believe that? misunderstood my point! my point was defending actual racism. and i got defensive and angry at people who were trying (some of them more constructively than others) to point out to me how defending a racist made me a racist.
george floyd was murdered in the first degree. by a racist, white cop.
i’ve been numb. numb to racism.
i defended myself because i knew deep down i wasn’t racist. i also believed paula deen was a victim of ignorance and a deep southern framework. someone who romanticized genocide as the product of a bygone era. a victim!
how can i write a blog post about how another white woman feels sad about another racial injustice?
i’m not a racist. i don’t want to say the wrong thing. it sucks to be white right now. i want things to go back to normal. this is hard. corona has nearly broken me. i’m so fragile right now. my mental health is on the line!!! my heart is broken. i am shattered. i’ll read some books and protest, maybe. i’m not a racist! i don’t need convincing.
these are the thoughts that ran around my brain.
i can’t breathe.
everyone on instagram, myself included, has a meme to share on the subject of racism. there are excellent accounts out there full of facts, a few of which i will share in a minute. but something in particular kicked me right the in the fupa. something that brought it into focus for me. something that snatched the complacency right out of me….
“racism is as insidious cultural disease. it is so insidious that it doesn’t care if you are a white person who likes black people; it’s still going to find a way to infect how you deal with people who don’t look like you.”
i wasn’t doing enough.
how do we not teach this? how do we not teach how to move away from this?
true story- when i was very young, this would have been in the mid to late 70’s my grandparents who lived in iowa always had whole nuts on the table. anyone else’s? like an entire bowl of all kinds of nuts that you’d have to crack open with a nutcracker. i was partial to the pecans and almonds. a freshly cracked almond tastes nothing like an almond already shelled, in a plastic bag. more like almond extract. my least favorite were the brazil nuts. too chalky. i can remember VIVIDLY the moment my grandfather said to me, referring to the brazil nuts still in their shell- “you know what these are called? n****r toes”.
i must have been 7? 8? it felt weird. it felt like hearing a bad word. no one flinched. now, if you had asked anyone if they were racist they would have denied it or said something like, i have a few black friends but…..
that myth that proximity to blackness makes you immune to racism.
i was so little and innocent and hearing those words embarrassed me. and all these years later it solidified to me that good people can be racists.
white people have a lot to UNlearn.
we are inundated with messages throughout our daily life that white is the ideal.
pick up a magazine, a book, watch a tv show a movie. tap into a holiday. it’s all white.
fact: white people are uncomfortable talking about racism and are quick to jump into the defensive. and instead of listening and offering support we tend to make it about ourselves. case in point- THIS BLOG POST.
i don’t want to do that, again…make it about myself. i wanted to share something personal so that i can be held accountable and grow from it.
the whole paula deen debacle changed me. not for the better i’m sad to say. it made me pull my voice away from this blog. it made me scared to say anything. for fear of saying it wrong, yes, but also fear of confrontation. fear of people not liking me. i have decided that’s not going to be me anymore. i want to protect black people. whole heartedly. and i know how wrong i was to defend her.
i want to dedicate more time to activism. i’m not sure what that looks like yet for me but i will be listening to black voices for a start. i checked in with my own instagram feed and the only black people i followed were celebs. HOW was that an oversight? to me that’s the crux of the problem. we stick to people who look like us for relatability? black culture isn’t relatable? that has to change immediately.
and i imagine there are people reading this or people you know who have said, it’s all so hard. i am so heartbroken. i need to get out of town. i’m taking a break from social media etc.. please don’t. please use it to educate. if you just don’t vibe with the gram please read books. listening to black voices is the best start we can make. i have learned over the last few days that that means we need to shut up and amplify black voices. we need to share THEIR words, not ours. retreating into your cabin by the lake for the summer isn’t going to do a goddamn thing. having black friends or even relatives isn’t your free pass. you must actively be anti-racist.
right now we must focus on police reform. stop saying and repeating “but there are good cops!!” and for the love of god stop people in your feed from saying it. CHALLENGE EVERYONE WHO IS DIVISIVE ON THE SUBJECT. this isn’t the time to play devil’s advocate. and it isn’t the time to put up with it. that is called gaslighting and we need to start recognizing it and stopping it from happening in our circles.
this article is helpful if you need more information on the importance of police reform.
ways you can help:
take action with the ACLU
read this
read the marshall project. daily. it’s a news outlet focusing on criminal justice. let it be one of your primary news sources. subscribe to their newsletter so it’s easy for you.
VOTE.
follow black accounts on instagram. here are just a few:
naacp and sign this petition.
start doing the work. keep doing the work. this is about overthrowing power that benefits you (white people) disproportionately.
love you all to pieces.