things have gotten CW on us again.
i think the vampire diaries is scarier than this mess.
yesterday i was working hard to finish up commissions before the holidays and by 5:00 i would have rather folded laundry than recap this show.
so i didn't.
even fiona goode herself didn't inspire me this week to break out the photobooth- video mode.
let alone the lipstick and old dominion.
but i promised recaps and a recap you shall have..
begrudgingly.
kyle's singing the most beautiful song ever written...toto's rosanna.
i was like...why this song?
it's going to come back later in the episode as something that jars his memory.
but nope.
totally random.
anyway..he's singing in a tattoo parlor with all his rapey frat bros and they are all getting tats (a shamrock and some chinese characters- SO fratty) except for kyle.
who aspires to do something with his life and a tattoo just isn't part of the plan.
also- this episode confirmed that we are post katrina.
there go any dreams of katrina coming and wiping the asses of all the rif raf.
back in present day frankenkyle is chained up in the conservatory and notices a shamrock tattoo on his arm and some dumb ass chinese characters on his ankle.
so now he knows his body parts aren't his own?
zoe comes in and tries to re-kill him with a gun.
only he grabs it and then she tries to tackle him for it and then the gun goes off killing a window instead.
THIS STORYLINE IS SO WEAK!
meanwhile..
madison is giving us voiceover
about how shitty the world of the undead is.
she can't "feel" anything.
except how shitty the afterlife is.
in the kitchen queenie is hongraaaay!
delphine mentions she hongray too so queenie takes them to get some fast food- burgers, fries and some strawberry cylones.
they talk in the car like BFFs and delphine tells queenie that her white sisters don't like her so much bc she's black.
i'd like this scene a lot more if they didn't try to slam a burgeoning friendship down my throat in the most predictable way ever.
seriously?
2 big girls bonding over food?
cordelia wakes to a call from hank who has all the guns.
cordelia gets out of bed and madison stops her from falling down the stairs causing cordelia to "see" fiona murdering madison.
no surprise there.
saxeman and fiona are hanging out in what i thought was his apartment and i was all..
seriously? he has the same apartment filled with all of his things?
then we see a dead dude in the bath tub and i am all..
OOOHHH!! of course.
it's his place.
me=not smart.
anyway..the saxeman is seducing fiona and it works.
she loses more hair.
meanwhile..
zoe is using flashcards to educate kyle on basic words such as bed, bath and...beyond?
bed sends him over the edge because...mom.
madison enters all slinky like and they bond over being sort of dead.
over at cornrow city queenie pays marie a visit.
queenie is curious and marie explains that her white witch sisters don't have her back.
queenie disagrees.
marie tells queenie to switch sides.
and to bring delphine with her.
also there is a box of fish heads.
back at school cordelia has become my grandmother, drinking during the day and swearing.
she tells zoe that if she is the new supreme she can be sure that fiona aims to kill her.
so they should kill her first.
something about dead, all dead, super dead.
zoe marches down the hall back to her bedroom and there's frankekyle banging madison against a wall, with his frankendingdong.
hope she felt that.
back at saxeman's, the second weirdest plot turn of the night comes in the form of saxey telling fiona that he's been haunting her her whole life.
didn't see that coming.
not exactly the sexiest come on of all time.
up in the attic..
spald is wearing a sexy lime green kimono and talking.
wait!! what?
yes talking!!
so zoe found a gross tongue in a box.
she put 2 and 2 together and put a spell on that thing and shoved it back into spald's mouth where it wriggled it's way in and settled into the grooves of his existing stump tongue and then all the truth came out.
zoe asks him who killed madison and he screams "fiiioooooonnnnaaaa".
and then she stabs him.
rude.
why does everyone hate spalding so much?
i am sad about it really.
i hope misty finds him.
down in the kitchen delphine is carving a ham and offers some to queenie.
queenie asks her about the worst thing she's ever done.
basically she killed a baby.
yeah, pretty fucking horrible.
she explains to Q that it was a different time, a different world.
and you ask yourself..
can you forgive a murdering racist?
can you?
pretty deep crap really.
this is MY favorite storyline by far.
and i like that they are going there.
fiona pops more pills and tries to shave her head.
i would have appreciated it if smith jerrod showed up to do it for her.
and in the first weirdest plot turn of the night..
zoe, kyle, madison 3-way.
did not see that coming either.
but as with most of this episode it just felt like a different show.
didn't it?
like...who let this writer/director in?
and then finally, in the saddest-betrayal-of-a-new-friendship portion of the show,
queenie delivers delphine in a sweet tiger sweatshirt to marie.
who locks her up in a phone booth-coffin and proceeds to cut out something.
marie uses the blood to smear all over her (gorgeous) face.
the end.
ok, so...i obviously didn't like this episode so much.
but i do think the most powerful story here is the one about delphine and her forming a friendship and bond with the one person she would never have ever formed a bond with.
kathy bates plays is SO well.
evil, disgusting murdering racist AND i made mistakes and i'm learning reformed racist.
because you have good in you heart you feel bad that queenie betrayed her.
but here's the thing..
the racist part..
well, i think racism comes from a place of ignorance mostly, rather than just pure evil.
MOSTLY! there are some evil fuckers out there for sure.
but the murdering part...well...that indicates a totally messed up, sick mind...
does that shit ever go away?!
discuss..
