we all know valentine’s day sucks. i mean really sucks. it even sucks when you’re a kid. all that pressure to fill out 30 valentines, making sure jeremy, the kid who smells like hotdog water, doesn’t get the wrong idea but bryce gets the RIGHT idea. and is there anything more terrifying than a room full of balloons or red roses that smell like a cold grocery store? and even with the best of intentions a valentine from your valentine is never the valentine you wanted. and don’t even get me started on the sex pressure. it’s like a ticking time bomb. (i’m fun to be around)
anyway, fuck all that. just get yourself something.
how about a pretty red robe with lace? wear nothing underneath and channel gwyneth with a mirror and your VULVA. or this overpriced dyson hair contraption that will give you the “best hair of your life”- everyone on instagram. maybe it’s worth it? i could spend all my money on just workout outfits including shoes. i’m living proof that fresh workout clothes are an excellent motivator. i recently tried this lip whip in suji and it’s just the best stuff. can be worn sheer on the lips for a just-ate-a-berry look and on cheeks for a rosy flush. it’s the red lip for people who think they look old in a red lip. or for just a few dollars you could gift yourself this adorable cat charm bracelet. and for a several thousand dollars this ettore sattsass bookshelf. a forever piece if there ever was one. you can see it in action here. or what about a fresh quintet of pillows for your sofa? ( pink / coral / lavender / eye / black ) or maybe this excellently cute red dress? or this mask from biolgique recherche that i can promise you you will not regret. i’ve used it a bunch lately and it’s definitely the most hydrating mask (masque if you’re fancy) i’ve ever used. or maybe just buy a bunch of pretty but practical unders? i like this brand a lot. or this coral teddy coat because it’s still winter (unless you’re in atlanta where it’s officially springter)?
or maybe order a pizza and masturbate.