it's hot as fuck.

summer is my sad season.

everyone else is frolicking on beaches and enjoying cool drinks in moderately hot climes (that word is dumb- never ever use it) by the pool.

i am stuck inside bc the air outside is like poison fire in my lungs and i have been warned by news persons

that should i go outside i might die.

for real.

summer is a dick.

but i had to spend a good portion of the day in the car with broken windows.

so i had to inhale heat fire mixed with car pollution.

volatile.

i think i am dead.

this post is late for all of those reasons and more.

once again this show focused on the boring shit and not enough on the interesting shit..

like mary and nathan eating BBQ...

or k ire getting drunk and passing out by the pool.

and what we didn't see...

which was kathryn eating a pool boy, godzilla style, with her mouth. (and vagina)

on to the recap.

get ready to be bored mostly..

first up glowy and kathryn discuss shopping for lights and stuff..

this scene managed to make me want mcdonalds .

nathan makes a frankenstein couch..

and he can't have no frankenstein couch at high point.

r u asleep yet?

meanwhile mary works in a CIA bunker..

she and larry are trying to give her neew lamps some dumb names..

they are trying to find the french word for spider.

cuz her lamp looks like a spider.

duh.

what's french for botox?

la chirurgie plastique

aka scarelarious.

meanwhile martyn is decorating a palm springs hotel room..

nathan and mary go to highpoint and stay in a gross hotel together..

hotels are gross in general btw.

even the nice ones.

wait...this one was nice wasn't it?

or was it?

i don't know..i usually stay at the hampton inn.

(p.s. they didn't stay here)

back in california we have to endure JAM and ross shopping for eleventy billion dollar coffee tables and suzanne tucker and mexican eye dances and thumb wars and purple crayon shavings and tiny jesus farts..

wait..

what?

oh..sorry...i must have fallen asleep.

i was having the WEEEIRDEST dreams.

let's just say that this sums these 2 up for me perfectly...

who's got a scythe?

so then suzanne tucker lets these knuckleheads have a janice dickinson table with feet.

no..really.

look:

it's a janice dickinson table.

but it's too small for a coffee table.

fiona prolly coulda told em that..

back at high point..

NEWELL NEWELL NEWELL NEWELL!!!!

newell let me take this opportunity to publicly tell you that this month's house beautiful was on fire!

i have opened it on the pooper above all the other 78 shelter mags present in my poopmaking room every single time since it's arrival in my house last week.

anyway..

newell gives the thumbs up to nathan's suzani ottoman.

and then there is a bloomingdales circle jerk..