dream winner

chosing a winner was hard.

many of you have some extremely fucked up recurring dreams,

in fact it made me think of my childhood recurring dream that i had forgotten all about...

i am asleep and i hear this horrible moaning..

i walk down the hall to the door that leads to the stairs that lead to the basement.

down at the bottom of the stairs is the head of Al from happy days (this guy)

and it's sitting on the floor, no body, just the head, and it's REALLY BIG and it's on fire and the flames are engulfing his huge head and he is alive and moaning and looking at me to help him.

fucking terrifying.

i wake up after that. 

usually crying and sweating.

anyway..

i chose the dream that made me LOL.

 and

that

person

is........

laurencapri

here is her highly amusing dream:

My reoccurring dream: I am super pregnant and very confused about how it happened. I then give birth to an adorable little black baby; the problem is my boyfriend is the blondest guy ever so I then realize it is clearly not his baby. The baby has an afro and he can walk straight out of the womb. He does this sort of bouncy dance when he walks, thank god my illegitimate child has rhythm, and sometimes he can talk. I spend the rest of the dream trying to hide the fact that the baby is black. Usually I dye his hair blond but the afro grows so fast that he has roots. In the dreams where he can talk baby usually taunts me that my boyfriend is going to find out. Dream about infidelity or do I just need get my roots done more often? Who knows?

so awesome.

and you know as funny as it sounds it was probably terrifying as it was going down.

but bc i am awesome and a superfriend i chose another winner...

that's right TWO winners..

winner #2 is..

katie

here is her ridiculously awesome dream:

I haven't had this one in a while, but growing up I had this dream about once a week:
It's a sunny day and I wander outside (the house where I grew up in Indiana)...when I get out to the driveway, I find the Golden Girls! And they are dressed in chiffon gowns, each their own color. I remember in the dream they always reminded me of the three fairies from Disney's Sleeping Beauty. They explain to me that my parents were in a tragic plane crash and that now they will be taking care of me. They would soothe me (even though I wasn't really upset about these new circumstances) and start listing all the delicious food they will make me (peanut butter and honey sandwiches! banana pudding! better cheddars!). The 5 of us head inside and watch soaps (Guiding Light and As the World Turns) together and then I wake up.

sorry, golden girls references will always win.

don't worry though losers..

i will be doing more painting giveaways in the future.

stay with me.

and..

don't forget to come back tomorrow for a super secret reveal..

here's a hint:

look at that pretty wall color.

secret farts,

 

this shit just writes itself..

here you go dream analyzers..

what does it mean when you spill an ENTIRE BOX of kosher salt

but it's mixed with fennel seeds?

obviously an enormous amount of bad luck..

but

is it foreshaddowing to the type of bad luck?

is mario batali coming to beat me to death with one of his orange crocs?

(i could take him)

or is he coming to make magical love to me only to flatten me with his intense girth?

i hope i never have to find out. (maybe)

what about this for obvious..

me and nene leakes wuz workin in the most popular store in the mall and we were obviously best friends for life..

until she ROLLER SKATED AWAY FROM ME!!  

i roller skated after her but just kept getting lost.

i went through the food court grabbing up samples as i quickly and cutely skated by..

i kept thinking how the cool mall air felt so good against my skin as i whipped around.

but everytime i thought about what i was skating after i got real sad.

i never found nene.

i just woke up.

seriously..

that is one for the dream books if i ever did hear.

anyway..

 thanks for the nice comments yesterday.

you totally redeemed yourselves.

you might not realize but i actually read your comments, love your comments and take your comments to heart!

i consider you all my friends.

and some of you have offered me really great advice that i needed to get through tough times.

and i will absolutely think of the most awesome giveway in the universe to repay you for your kindness.

and to nancy who said: "stop begging for comments it is beneath you"...

i say to YOU..

i shovel month old, stale, SAVORY GARLIC flavored crackers through nutella and throw them into my mouth repeatedly throughout the day..

nothing is beneath me. 

as for your turd recap..

it's coming.

i have 2 deadlines this week, plus a little girl who is up in my grill every 4 seconds.

i will deliver it to you impatient bitches in a few hours.

so unless you wanna start paying me money to write this shit (it takes at least 5 hours to write one of these recaps)

i suggest you simmer down.

dreamy anger farts,