RHODC recap episode 6

cat and mary start out the show drinking wine and bonding over parenting at mary's house.

clearly i wasn't the only one who thought cat talked like she just got back from mouth surgery, british style.

bravo threw up fucking subtitles!!

and we also are witness to the ugliest shirt in the history of forever:

anyway...it's confirmed that lolly had nothing to do with douchetarq's allegations about the great polo heist.

elsewhere..

michaele and tareq want to buy a home in the city so they call the only real estate agent in DC..

stacie.

stacie shows up at the 4 seasons royal suite where the salahi's stay when they're in town.

and it is duuuumb!!!!

"we like to enjoy life" says T.

stacie is curious as to where the money is coming from.

little does stacie know that the douchers stay at the embassy suites near the airport when the cameras aren't on.

more on that later...

then..

tragically, cat's friend phil (no idea) committed suicide.

sads.

lynda is going to use astrology to help her through her move.

so she calls her new neighbor mary in for some sageing..

"sagghhhe"

did you know lynda was raised southern baptist and converted to judaism at age 20.

astrology, judaism, sage...

she then drizzles tap water holy water on the lawn...

pretty sure she also took a giant shit in the sink and called it a voo doo cleanse.

or a doo doo cleanse.

they have to find story for her bc she is so fucking boring.

anyway..

stacie takes the douchers on a limo ride to find houses...and she asks them point blank...what's up with the vineyard?

a little info is revealed:

T'bag's mom sued him. 

rejected by your mom sucks.

stacie wants to know, as a real estate agent, do these creeps have any money to buy anything??

T'bag wants to spend upwards of 8 million on a house.

my question is this, with the state of your vineyard in ruins and no wine production to speak of HOW is it you even have 8 million dollars to buy a house?

and if you did have 8 million dollars wouldn't you use it to fix your goddamn vineyard?!?!

silly dummies.

the adoption chronicles continue and

my heart pitter patters for stacie's husband jason...

he is in charge of stacie's hunt for her color purple moment.

another event for all the housefarts to gather at:

men against breast cancer.

a charity event.

everyone's there..

mary is shitfaced.

cat breaks down about her friend that died and it makes me cry real tears...

and for the finale:

we see that in fact the

oasis vineyard is in ruin.

but the salahi's have big plans despite tareq's crazy mother...

cut to sirens and cops arriving at the vineyard..

mom called the police to have t removed from the property.

and this is where michaele breaks down and i do NOT cry real tears for her.

these fucking parasites deserve everything they get.

i don't know the whole story but something tells me greed is at play and for that i have no sympathy.

besides everyone has the power to change their situation.

these two are just trying to remain rich.

greed makes people do crazy things.

i still need to know why in every episode t'bag's mother is trying to have him arrested or removed from a place.

does anyone know the back story here?

*****UPDATES-

several links in the comments section for all those as curious as i was.

i think we have sufficient info on these assmonkey's now.

thank you all for using you supersleuth blooodhound gang capabilities..

"whenever there's troooouble we're on the doooouble...we're the bloodhound gaaaang"

rhodc recap for yer faces...

back at the whinery:

clearly everyone is hammered at this point..

douchelord tareq starts talking about shit getting stolen, a deer? a polo shirt?

fuck, i was confused bc he was drunk as balls.

apparently someone stole his car and his polo gear from a polo match.

he was trying to tell m'eddie vedder that her daughter was on facebook telling everyone that they had fun stealing that car at the polo match and that they were wearing said stolen polo gear in pictures.

then he says something about "the FBI was monninnering ev'ry eeemail...evrry conversation...90,000 dollar kerr (car) a joyride..." blahbiddy blahhh blahhhfuckoff

the FBI?!?! who do these people think they are?

and honestly do we really believe that the FBI gives a fuck about some fucking chaps and a polo mallet?

mary is super upset and those dumb dick douchebags michaele and tareq don't see how what they are implying is that mary's daughter is involved in stealing a bunch of shit. or maybe they do.

ok.

lets look at some facts:

you are on national television-

and you are drunk as piss.

you are wearing a cosby sweater from 1994.

you are talking about someone's kid stealing shit on national television while drunk as piss and wearing a cosby sweater from 1994.

you're guilty!!!!

of being a dumb bag of dicks.

i hold you in contempt of your ass face.

back in the nation's capital:

cat, lynda and stacie are getting fancy pedicures and they all start talking about it.

no one believes tareq's allegations and that even if it were true you don't bring it up at a casual dinner as if you were talking about the weather.

agreed.

 then...

mary confronts lolly (her daughter) about the heist.

she denies it

she starts schooling her parents about how to handle the situation.

possibly saying something about colonel mustard with the wrench in the ballroom.

in any event mary is on the case.

NO SHIT!!!!

IF SOMEONE ACCUSED MY DAUGHTER OF THEFT I WOULD GET MY BLOODHOUND GANG TOGETHER

AND WE WOULD SOLVE THAT FUCKING MYSTERY!!

lynda found a house.

who cares.

awkward, forced meal #2:

cat is having lunch with the republican lobbyist for healthcare..edwina.

the discomfort is palpable.

homegirl has big fucking balls.

she is all up in edwina's face about the current state of our healthcare.

which is fucking dreadful, btw.

i love the fact that she started asking all these point blank questions.

was it the right time?

probably not.

in fact, why were these 2 even having lunch together?

awkard, forced meal #3:

lynda, ebong, jason and stacie having dinner somewhere-

and then go figure...another race conversation.

 we find out that lynda was a victim of "reverse racism". 

"growing up in south georgia i couldn't sometimes even eat at a restaurant bc i was white!

excuse me while i go and punch myself in the face.

for real?

nice eyebrow lift.

cruella.

 

edwina has a party.

all the housefarts will be there.

of course.

what kind of assfarter brings a bottle of wine to a sponsored party?

everyone shows up and pretends to like each other.

the party is in a hotel reception room.

excuse me while i go punch myself in the vaj.

bring on the booze bc i have a feeling someone is going to...

(record screeeeeeeech)

HOLY SHIT CAT SHOWS UP WEARING A FULL ON SARAH PALIN COSTUME!

i. fucking. love. this. crazy. bitch.

then some kind of edwina drama happens involving an ambulance and vertigo.

my guess is cat pushed that bitch down the stairs for being republican.

some drama goes down between cat and michaele and i am 100 percent certain that cat will end up missing or dead by the end of this series.

in fact in the opening credits she says,

"i'm here for a good time, not a long time"...

hmmm...that's some dan brown davinci code lost symbol shit right there.

be careful what you wish for cat.