best booties ever..

yeah..FUCK yeah...

i am in love with them in an i would wear them everywhere with everything way.

i meeeaaan.

lookit how cute they are on alexa..

i seriously die for them so hard.

tears of happy anticipation for them being on my feet.

so i went to madewell and that shit is gone gone gone.

first of all they are originally over 300 dollars.

which pretty much blows them out of my budget anyway.

 on ebay they are going for twice that and now my tears are of the sad variety.

they were so perfect.

a heel, but not too high that i can still throw them on with my jean shorts and not look like a tramp.

wear them with a dress.

wear them with jeans.

wear them with leggings.

wear them for life.

so...now one of you has to find something similar for me.

no wedge.

no stiletto.

thank you internet friends.

here is something to put a kick in your step while you are searching for them for me..

 

what the shit?? no post yesterday?

yeah, sorry about that.

i was busy. 

busy painting a friends house.

not busy painting my doors.

i have painted one door though..

i took "professional advice" and decided against taping all 120 panes of glass.

the word is that you can just easily scrape the paint away with a razor blade.

well, the word 'easily' sold me pretty hard.

(not my door)

FACT:

scraping paint off windows is not easy.

one PANE, both sides took me almost a half an hour,

and it took paint off the edge of the door where the window meets the pane, so i will have to go back and touch all that shit up.

this one door will take me 15 hours to scrape, then another 1-2 hours to touch up.

over the next few days i will be taping the rest of the windows with frog tape.

the whole reason i didn't want to tape them in the first place was bc i knew it would take me forever.

*punches self in face

i actually choked back a little bit of throw up over this one...

i got the new house beautiful yesterday..

some of it was great like this:

and some of it made me wonder if it was 1983, like this:

i mean, isn't it all a bit much?

inlaid tile floors, fussy blue and white backsplash, tin ceilings, leaded glass all the way up, mega fussy cabinetry with spooling and quilting(??), hammered metal sink and 5890852835784798 topiaries...ALL IN ONE ROOM?

i just don't get it at all.

do you?

paint progress

 painting is not my favorite thing in the world.

taking forever.

had to add some warm peachy pink paint to the super ultra white.

not bc i didn't like the bright white, but bc it was brighter than the trim.

oops my bad.

but it is much better now.

it looks better with the pinkish tiles.

going to need 3 coats.

fuck. balls. shit. cockface.

working on 2nd coat now.

the good news is that all the weird angles and jutted out walls have disappeared.

yay white!!

ok then...back to it.

also this:

GOAT.

and don't forget the turds tonight at 10 est.

design turd contestant #1: meet tera hampton

the designturds are returning to hgtv on sunday june 13th.

yay us.

meet me here every day so that i can unveil a new tard and their previous "work".

first up:

tera hampton...

Age: 41

Hometown: Austin, Texas

Born and raised in Fort Worth, Texas, Tera calls herself “the quintessential all-American Texas girl,” and, as the daughter of a high school football coach, says she understands the seriousness of competition. Tera, who says she plays to win, owns a successful design business that specializes in home staging, color consultation and interiors. She characterizes her approach to design as “taking what you have and making it better,” and often spends little or no money to create great designs by rearranging items her clients already own. This married mother of three says she has a strong faith in God, family and community and enjoys using her skills to help those in need because it “feels good to make a difference.”

ok tera!! let's see what you and strong faith bring to the design table...

 WOOOOAAAAH!!! easy there tera..don't get too literal with the black and white and turquoise.

i think we all know how i feel about this color combo anyway..

here's an idea...how about some texture?

maybe a warm neutral to offset all that fucking PB teen puke..

???

no.

either those walls are sponge painted or that wallpaper is sponge painted.

wait a minute.....IS IT MARBLEIZED?!?!?!

is it just me or does this whole place scream one stop shopping?

there is so much bullshit in this room i don't even know where to begin..

sadly, i am fairly certain this duvet is custom..

farts..

are those tuscan inspired trophy urn lamp replicas?

nice toss pillows.

jesus tera!!!

this room sucks dick!

(heavy sigh)..ok here's the deal tera...

your shit looks like bed bath and beyond threw up cost plus world market and then ate it which in turn came right back up viral style in the form of tuesday morning.

i hope for your sake you were just messin with me..