bizness as usual

Gabriela Eisenhart January 10, 2011

it seems weird to just show awesome rooms to you after i was near oprah status this weekend.

i wish i could tell you that they signed me up right after they saw my sparkle charms.

and i wore sequins so i was for real sparkle charming.

but they didn't.

here's what they did tell me...

i did great.

that despite the whirlwind last few days, the next few months would be quiet..

as in, don't freak out if 2 months go by and you haven't heard a word...

they also told me i needed to be discreet from here on out and that i couldn't divulge what went down yesterday or the casting process.

sad for you all.

but i have a feeling..a good one.

i have also realized that i could be on national tv looking like a great big asshole with big boobs and no real design experience.

and i have also realized that i could be leaving my sweet fi for 2 months.

wrap your head around that one for a minute moms...

yeah...not a fun thought at all.

anyway..as you can imagine i am waffling somewhere around super excitement and bone chilling terror.

but i don't mind the wait.

not at all.

in fact, i am going to use this time to really focus on the what if..

what if i am on this show?

well then i want to be 100 percent certain that i can do anything they throw my way.

don't get me wrong, i won't be crafting shit out of orange rinds or toilet paper.

i am just going to focus on MY thing..

combining old and new..

mixing high and low..

and just generally putting shit together in a new and awesome way.

so we can stop talking about it now.

we can get back to pretty rooms and housewives.

thanks again for all of your support and well wishes.

you guys will be the first to know anything that happens.

i promise you that.

now hire me so i can practice.

a whore called fame, consuming thoughts and asians..

Gabriela Eisenhart January 6, 2011

according to you all i am a shoe in for design star.

word to that.

( i hope you are still practicing spells and reading runes or...something)

some of you think i will get on tv and say fuck.

i might.

but not a lot.

i don't say fuck on here a lot.

in truth i watch a lot of reality tv (a lot a lot)

and everyone on reality tv cusses.

they just bleep it.

gordon ramsay has made a career out of it.

i am not saying

i am going to be cussing a lot, maybe not ever.

who's to say?

i will probably be too busy making a mirror out of sticks

or contemplating candice's fascination with matrix style coats.

and some of you think they will be hard on me bc i was/am so hard on them..

you're probably right.

they will either completely ignore it or make a spectacle out of me.

i mean if i suck then i deserve turd status for sure.

all i can do is be myself and decorate the shit out of rooms and possibly an outhouse, or a box of raisins.

anyway..

the audition is in 2 days.

i am nervous.

for sure.

what if vern's there?

what if he kicks me in the face?

(if he can reach my face)

what?

exhausted but excited

Gabriela Eisenhart January 5, 2011

first:

i cannot thank you all enough for leaving comments in the last post.

my heart is full of brownie batter because of you.

now:

i have spent that last 2 days running around like crazy trying to spruce up my house.

apparently for this design star audition they need something called a..

portfolio?

so i have been adding, subtracting, borrowing, crying, worrying, freaking out, dreaming, and yes, of course..

farting.

i am nothing without my blowhole.

anyway...my little rental house has never looked prettier.

i spent a good portion of the day today trying to take pictures.

which was almost a complete wash due to the grayest of cloudy poopy days.

so i am back at it tomorrow.

this is all part of my

..portfoooliooo..

which will include my "work" (go ahead and giggle, i am)

here's a sneak peak of a spot the camera actually made love to ..

also:

(as in turner)

that shit is legit!!

design turds here i come!!!!

*but still say prayers, do rain dances, drink blood and slaughter goats

not so secret..

Gabriela Eisenhart January 4, 2011

was going to keep it a secret...

but i decided i wasn't really sure why i was doing that..

i might need all of your support so..

look out mandice, verngina and el gordo..

you guys have better upped your game this year bc i am coming to divide and conquer.

i promise to never do a mural unless one is asked of me and even then i will side-eye the camera (for you dear readers..it will be like my little carol burnett ear tugging thing) and at least try to accomplish something that's not farty.

i have zero point zero zero design experience so that should be interesting.

unless you count craigslist skills and moodboarding as design experience.

but i am fairly certain that i can decorate a room with furniture and art and make it functional and pretty.

i suppose that's what it's all about right?

that and the fact that my personality is funsies.

so.

ummm.

yeah.

that's what i am going to be doing on saturday.

so please leave a comment here if you are a reader (in case hgtv is listening) and let them know how super excited you are to see me on this show and that you will watch and stuff.

p.s.

i saw vern yip in the car the other day and i waved to him and pointed and he never waved back so i count that as a sign.

famous farts,

i will watch secrets from a stylist so that i can learn some secrets....from a stylist.

Gabriela Eisenhart August 23, 2010

well buttfarters..

it's over.

emily wins as was predicted by anybody with half a brain.

mandice showed up wearing gauchos and the more intelligent half of my brain melted..

yep. gauchos.

you cannot get the gauchos' true fashion-y-ness unless the legs are slightly askew..

that's better mandice.

you've gotta give your penis some breathing room.

ok.

final 2.

emily and michael.

challenge:

15,000 dollars each to make over a one bedroom apartment.

the client is a past contestant of their choosing.

emily chooses tom:

so based on tom's outfit and overall sense of style emily gives us a "polished, modern, luxurious..blah blah blah"...

she pin stripes the wall, which i don't like. but over all the palette is nice. the accesories are nice, though i would have rather had a shiny mirror where those stupid viva terra looking wood panels are.

and i see the mirror to the left of the wood things. i just don't like it there. plus i hate shit in groups of 3. fuck you.