just some things..

 

a thousand times, yes. 

 

 

i changed my facebook picture.

 

 

i finally painted fiona's little table.

 

 

and then i celebrated.

 

 

 

and...

i can finally wear these..

 

my parents went to england in february and brought me back some black hunter boots.

 

it hasn't rained since february.

 

 

 

 

 

calling all gastroenterologists...

 

 

i suspect none of you reading are actually poop doctors.

because A. why would a poop doctor be reading a design blog? (is this a design blog? what have i become??!)..

and B. if a poop doctor was reading this surely they would have spoken up by now given the amount of poop talk that goes on around here.

 

friends,

i have made an appointment to see a gastroenterologist because i have had an ongoing stomach issue..

since the beginning of november.

but you all pretty much knew that, right?

i love you so hard. 

 

 

so lets talk about it.

because i damn sure don't have any design news to share.

 

 

you see the thing is..it's less about poo and more about my gut.

i either have intense nausea or a feeling like someone is punching me hard in the pit of my stomach.

i either have a hard time pooping or i poop like 8 times a day.

i have the usual food triggers that make it worse, like dairy, but i don't eat it anymore so it's not that.

and it's not gerd or heartburn.

maybe. 

 

here's what i have narrowed it down to...

1. for sure a heart attack. 

2. almost positive it is stomach cancer.

3. 100% garunteed that it's mold sickness.

4. without a doubt it's lyme disease.

5. it is totally an h. pylori infection in my stomach lining.

6. an ulcer probably caused by #5.

7. dying.

 

so if you know of anything that i forgot i am dying of,  speak up.

 

and rest assured you will be with me every step of the way through this process.

if i have to have a colonoscopy (deargodpleaseno) or an endoscopy (sweetchristdeliverme) or drink a barium milkshake with all of the above (killmenow)..

i will share all the poopy facts with you.

because that's what friends are for.

 

(p.s. do not ever in your life google image search colonoscopy).

see? friends!!

 

 

 

 

this shit just writes itself..

here you go dream analyzers..

what does it mean when you spill an ENTIRE BOX of kosher salt

but it's mixed with fennel seeds?

 

obviously an enormous amount of bad luck..

but

is it foreshaddowing to the type of bad luck?

is mario batali coming to beat me to death with one of his orange crocs?

(i could take him)

or is he coming to make magical love to me only to flatten me with his intense girth?

i hope i never have to find out. (maybe)

 

what about this for obvious..

me and nene leakes wuz workin in the most popular store in the mall and we were obviously best friends for life..

until she ROLLER SKATED AWAY FROM ME!!  

 

i roller skated after her but just kept getting lost.

i went through the food court grabbing up samples as i quickly and cutely skated by..

i kept thinking how the cool mall air felt so good against my skin as i whipped around.

but everytime i thought about what i was skating after i got real sad.

i never found nene.

i just woke up.

 

seriously..

that is one for the dream books if i ever did hear.

 

anyway..

 thanks for the nice comments yesterday.

you totally redeemed yourselves.

 

you might not realize but i actually read your comments, love your comments and take your comments to heart!

i consider you all my friends.

and some of you have offered me really great advice that i needed to get through tough times.

 

and i will absolutely think of the most awesome giveway in the universe to repay you for your kindness.

 

and to nancy who said: "stop begging for comments it is beneath you"...

i say to YOU..

i shovel month old, stale, SAVORY GARLIC flavored crackers through nutella and throw them into my mouth repeatedly throughout the day..

nothing is beneath me. 

 

as for your turd recap..

it's coming.

i have 2 deadlines this week, plus a little girl who is up in my grill every 4 seconds.

 

i will deliver it to you impatient bitches in a few hours.

so unless you wanna start paying me money to write this shit (it takes at least 5 hours to write one of these recaps)

i suggest you simmer down.

 

dreamy anger farts,