the smoking clam and other observations

 this one...

she's the best kind of crazy.

i tolerate kyle bc she says things that normal girls say...

but every time i see her twirl her fucking horse tail i wanna stab my mom in the throat.

(jk mom i would NEVER stab you in the throat)

shame that pandora got ken's looks.

HAHAHAHAAAAHHAH HA HA HAAAAA!!!!

do you think she looks at these images and regrets her face?

i enjoy brandi and her nips.

kyle is a bully.

what is the clam's problem?

i mean, what is at the root of all of this?

are we expected to believe that this is all bc her husband was abusive?

is this a marketing ploy to get us all to buy her dumbass book?

please.

i'd rather read kim's.

talk it out.

some things to think about..

working on a slight zshushing of the bedroom..

this of course stemmed from the fact that i desperately need new sheets.

i already have a great big coral puffy quilt and i love lavender with coral..so BAM!

lavender sheets.

already have the lamps, just need new shades.

window shades are being made as we speak.

just need a brass headboard and a 5,000 dollar rug

and i'm all set.

JK!

i would NEVER buy a 5000 dollar rug bc i have 4 cats and they will pee all over it 1000 times.

anyone know of a rug that is exactly like this but pee resistant?

also..

this show melts my face off...

so fucking INSPIRED!!!

it was nice to finally hear the "cocktail" of pills kim has been taking.

i love it when people who use drugs that are prescribed by doctors seem to think they are not using drugs somehow and that it's ok.

we aren't talking 1 antidepressant here folks.  

so don't get your panties all ruffled.

this bitch is toxic.

 basically she is a legal junkie.

new light was shed on paul for me this week.

how he puts up with that passive aggressive bitch adrienne is beyond me.

i hope he has a side piece.

slowly but surely.

if you haven't read it already,

please read this..

because it's awesome. 

p.s.

seances are the new BBQ's.

the camillculator. RHOBH recap

camille grammer is a calculating bitch.

 she is the "little professor"

she is a jacked up casio:

camille's calculations:

1.

crazy psychic medium + alcohol = asshole time.

2.

chef + pizza oven = delicious pizza.

3.

rock of love bus sized martini glasses + alcohol + bitches = showdown.

this episode starts with the camillculator having lunch with fishface taylor.

(aware that camille is fishy in face as well)

this is also calculated.

no one actually likes camille.

anywhere in the universe.

but she has to tell someone that she wants to continue the drama in the form of a dinner party.

so fishface it is!

(fishface. duh.)

camille wants to have a dinner party with all the ladies present and a few of her closest ass kisser friends.

why?

here's why.

drama is what makes this show watchable.

without it it would be unwatchable.

so the whole episode revolves around this dinner party set up.

only camille realizes she needs a few people in her corner bc 100% of the other housewives think she is a  calculating bitch with serious paranoid delusions about herself.

so the rest of the housewives agree are contractually obligated to go to this crazy bitch's house to drink her alcohol and hopefully poop on her floor.  

there is no pooping but i'm sure if we had given kim enough time she would've:

(huh? where am i?)

after a few Precious sized drinks..

things just started to get weird.

first of all camille invites her "friend", allison dubois, a psychic medium.

she is the medium behind the show medium.

and not only can she talk to dead people, predict divorces and 'head tap' your ass..

she is also a gigantic cuntface...

at least kyle was smart enough to know that this whole dinner was going to be an ambush

and since kim's brain has escaped to witch mountain by way of quaaludes..

kyle knew better to bring her own back up friend.

that friend being faye resnik:

yeah, i didn't know who she was either.

apparently she was friends with nicole brown simpson.

big fucking deal.

now she's friends with kyle.

camille made a big stink about pretending to not know who she was but that she recognized her from somewhere...and then BLAMMO!  

"ohiknowwhoyouareyouposedforplayboy!!!"

and faye was all:

and then she was all:

and kyle was all:

 and kim was all:

and then stinky allison dubutthole dropped a psychic bomb on kyle saying something like her marriage sucked.

and kyle was all:

and camille was all:

and a calculator was all:

and then kim (still on witch mountain) picks a fight with fishface 

and kyle gets the sadmads and then fishface stands up and says in her best self defense class voice,

"ENOUGH!!"

 "ladies don't act like this".

and then they make their exodus.

but wait!

as if it couldn't get anymore sadlarious..

kyle sends kim home in a limo all by herself while kyle, lisa, fishy, adrienne and faye take a seperate limo to the BH hotel for more drinks.

the end.

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